So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How does one acquire holy water?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize