New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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