Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
