im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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