I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
