Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
