I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
