woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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