just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
