You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I will be naked everywhere
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
