You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize