you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
