So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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