last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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