i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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