i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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