I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
