I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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