I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Randomize
