i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
this is an emotional support booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize