ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
