Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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