You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
