You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
