i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
