im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
