i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
