once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
