i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
