How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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