i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize