Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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