Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
