I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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