i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
