The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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