I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
