I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
