Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
