I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
