this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
