But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
