the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
