It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
