i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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