i think my mom watched the whole time
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
