His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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