I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
