your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
