I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
