So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
do nipples grow back?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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