I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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