did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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