i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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