Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
