Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
