I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
