I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
