it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
