:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
