obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
