so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
