a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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