so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
