belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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