You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
