You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They took my balls.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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