were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
