This is not my ceiling
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize