Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
